Sunday, February 8, 2009

Top Ten Reasons...

...To Hate the Comfy Couch. Friends, family, supporters, and benefactors. I must take this opportunity to introduce you to a vile beast. A few feet away from me exists the most disgusting creature known to man. A 'comfy couch.' His drab exterior pays homage to his putrid personality. I loathe his very existence. Here are 10 reasons why:

Top Ten Reasons to Hate the Comfy Couch:

10. He makes the TV look smaller because he sits to the side of it. Who does that??

9. Comfort is overrated; cue H1 Hummer Limousine.

8. He's not even a sleeper!

7. I think he is a SHE; it's even hard for me to tell.

6. Nobody gets laid in this apartment unless it happens on me! Why sleep with someone on him when you can sleep with someone on me and Russia. Or China. Or all of Europe.

5. Nobody poses for pics with that asshole. Nobody.

4. He was found on a curb. I've catered to Joe the Plumber. There was a reason Joe didn't sit on that smelly piece of junk.

3. He makes fun of great historical figures like Winston Churchill and he has no armrest sleeves OR cuff links. This translates to a couch without class.

2. You can't find his featureless blog on Google.

1. Pee stains.

1 comment:

green chair said...

let's just try to be one big happy family

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